


Our Heads Hurt

by abraxasgrip



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - SCP Foundation, F/F, Trans Rose Lalonde, Trans Vriska Serket, Unethical Experimentation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 03:50:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20668841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abraxasgrip/pseuds/abraxasgrip
Summary: Rose is an SCP Foundation researcher assigned to the newest human anomaly on the site: a D-Class who's too lucky to die.





	Our Heads Hurt

The researcher takes a quiet sip of her mocha espresso and leans forward to look through the grimy one-way glass into the cell. She sighs and clicks the recording device to her left.

“SCP-8888 Interrogation log 0.5. Still working through the early stages of formulating the classification and containment procedures. The object is a young woman, mid 20’s if her file proves to be correct, currently standing- no. Jumping on her bed with her arms crossed. Her brown hair bounces in great curly waves in-time as she rises and falls. Now she’s slamming into the mattress with what looks to be a pile drive. And she’s rolling around now, apparently having hit her arm on the brass bedframe. Delightful.”

Alright let's get this over with. She presses another button and the intercom crackles to life, startling the object.

Good morning, SCP eight eight eight eight. Previously referred to as D-eight eight eight eight. 

The anomaly looks around the room, apparently attempting to locate the voice. “Wh.. what?? Who’s there? Is this another weird talking monster thing, because I swear to god, I’ve had ENOUGH of those.” The researcher rubs her forehead with her knuckles and leans closer to the microphone, eyes closed.

SCP-8888 I know for a fact, beyond any shadow of any shadow of a doubt, that you know what an intercom is. Your file states that you’ve been in more than a few of these rooms before, so unless your newfound, apparently anomalous status also confers temporary amnesia, I’d advise cutting the bullshit. 

“HA! Yeah I was just fuckin with ya. So what’s up dude, what’s the situation here? Where’s my bunkmate? Or do the spooky doomsday monsters and whatever else you losers keep around not get bunkmates… I mean I AM a keter now, right? I better be a keter.”

Holy fuck.

If the subject would, please, God, allow one single moment of silence. 

The girl crosses her arms and looks to exactly where Rose is located behind the unmarked one-way glass. She shudders.

Th..thank you. Now, SCP-8888, your file states that you are, apparently, and I quote, Too Lucky To Die. When did you first notice this effect? 

“Weeeeeeeell I’ve been shot at a few times. And bitten by weird mutant animals. And teleported into neat little pocket dimensions. But I’ve always come out of it just fine. The bullets miss, the bites heal, and I never land anywhere dangerous. 

Interesting. Dr. Lalonde waves to the armed guard standing by the cell door.

Noted. Now if you could please just stand perfectly still for one moment. Or at least just. Try to the best of your ability. 

“Uh ok lol”  
The door opens behind her and before she can turn around, three shots from the guard’s rifle zip past her and burrow into the concrete walls.

“JESUS FUCK”

Perfectly. Still. If you’re really as fortuitous as you claim to be, there shouldn't be much to worry about, no? 

The subject turns to her, eye contact again, and starts to say something before another burst goes off. Each neatly weaving their way past her head without clipping so much as a hair, even from a distance of about two meters.

“FUCK dude, I told you, I’m not going to get hit, but my ears arent exactly special, dumbass.”

Agent ██████, if you would please enter point blank range and try just one more time. 

“Wait hold on a s-” He closes the gap between them and places the barrel of the rifle against her chest. She flinches when the trigger clicks, but nothing happens. A few more clicks, and nothing still.

Well? 

The guard leans in to the radio mounted on his shoulder. “Uh ma’am, it looks like the gun is jammed.”

Very interesting. The researcher leans forward, letting the dim ceiling lights flash off her glasses as she steeples her fingers. 

“Oh wait hold up you’re a ma’am? Between your voice and that dumbass anime pose you’ve got going on, ya gotta be a trans too, right? 

Lalonde just about falls out of her chair. Fuck, so she really can see through the glass? The paperwork for this is going to take ages.

Disregarding that question, SCP-8888. But did you say that you could see my.. posing? 

“Uh well, yeah? I mean you’re just sitting there in that little room, it’s not exaaaaaaaactly very well hidden!” Underneath her glasses, Lalonde swears that she sees a weird shimmer in her left eye. She tells the guard to return from the cell. This just got a lot more complicated.

Tell me, can you see through any of the walls to your south, west, and east? 

“Uhhhhhhhh no? They’re concrete.”

Excellent. That’s all I need to know for now. 

She goes to turn off the sound system and start the long, triplicate laden process of assigning her a new class, moving her to a more sufficiently visually warded cell, and devising creative testing procedures, when the subject shouts “HEY ya know you’re pretty cute! Maybe if I can get out of here some time we c-"

Rose flicks the sound off and takes another sip. This is going to be a long assignment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rating comes from the guns and the general "unethical science" tone implicit in the SCP foundation. Nothing much beyond that will happen. Feedback appreciated :3


End file.
